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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Silence

It's late.  Boredom exhausts but sleep eludes.

A day without respite. A usual Wednesday with the day's only plan to get in a workout and get through the day. Success at least on that front.

Television tyrannized my attention. Three meals created welcome structure to the day.  Michael loves to eat and only left his couch-bed to do so and heed the call of nature.  All my senses acute; couldn't bear to hear him chew. Focused all my attention on the paper's daily puzzles. I knitted a few desultory rows but the television aggravated my mood. Edgy. Hustled him off to bed promptly at ten to escape to my room.  Felt like confessing that I've had enough but knew my words would wound even if only for a moment and then be forgotten. The response is always silence when I unload my heart.  I pray for conversation but there is no point in wasting words; I don't anymore.  Instead loud wailing to God, the silence, the darkness but no response either.

Yet writing these words, seeing them form, brings lightness. Imagining a world beyond the screen. Yawning,  I think I can sleep.  Tomorrow will be better.

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